Some of the letters that reach my table do not ask for anything at first. They tell me something. A robin that would not leave the fence on the day of the funeral. A dream in which a father looked well and young again, and the warmth that stayed for days afterwards. A song that came on in the supermarket at the very minute someone was thinking of her. And then, at the end, almost always the same question: was that them?
In short: the signs people most often describe after losing someone are dreams that feel like a visit, a sudden sense of their presence, feathers, birds such as robins and cardinals, butterflies, their song at the exact moment, a familiar scent, flickering lights, meaningful numbers, coins, a touch, and something of theirs turning up. They are far more common than most people think, and the people who have them overwhelmingly describe them as comforting. Here are the twelve I hear about most, how to tell a sign from a coincidence, how to ask for one, and how to answer.
You are in good company
Researchers have a name for these moments: after-death communications. In 2021 a team of researchers published a survey of 1,004 people, answering in English, French and Spanish, who had experienced one (BJPsych Open). The most common form came during sleep, and many involved touch, sight, hearing, smell or a sense of presence. Above all, people described them as deeply meaningful and comforting. Across different studies, somewhere between a third and more than three quarters of bereaved people report experiences like these.
Science calls them after-death communications. I call them hello.
The 12 signs people tell me about most
1. A dream that feels like a visit
Not an ordinary dream, jumbled and half forgotten, but one that feels different: clear, calm, often brief. They look well, often younger, free of whatever hurt them at the end. Sometimes they say something simple, sometimes nothing at all. You wake with a feeling that stays for days. People call these visitation dreams, and they are the sign I hear about most.
2. A sense of presence
You walk into the kitchen and they are, somehow, there. Nothing to see, nothing to hear; just the unmistakable feeling of them in the room. It often comes while you are doing something ordinary that you used to do together.
3. A feather in an unexpected place
On the doormat, on the car seat, on the pillow. White feathers especially have long been read as a sign that someone is watching over you. What matters is where and when it appears: somewhere it could not easily have blown into, at a moment you needed it.
4. A robin, or a cardinal, that comes close
In Britain there is an old saying that when robins appear, loved ones are near; in North America it is the red cardinal. What people describe is always the same: a bird that comes closer than birds do, stays longer than birds stay, and seems to look right at you.
5. Butterflies and dragonflies
In ancient Greek the same word, psyche, meant both soul and butterfly. A butterfly that lands on you, follows you along the path or appears out of season is one of the oldest signs there is. Dragonflies, which spend most of their lives under water before they rise into the air, are read the same way.
6. Their song, at exactly the right moment
The song from the wedding, the one they always sang badly in the car. It comes on in a shop or on the radio the very minute you were thinking of them. Timing is the whole of this sign.
7. A familiar scent, out of the blue
Her perfume in the hallway. Pipe tobacco in a house where nobody smokes. Something baking when the oven is cold. Scent goes straight to memory, and many people say it is how their loved one says I'm here.
8. Lights and electronics
A lamp that flickers when you say their name, a radio that switches itself on, a phone that lights up with an old photo. Electricity is often described as the easiest way through. Usually it is a loose bulb; sometimes it does not feel like one at all.
9. Numbers that mean something
Their birthday on a number plate, your anniversary on a receipt, 11:11 again and again. Numbers are how many people feel their loved one keeping count of them. If 11:11 is yours, here is what it means.
10. Coins in odd places
A penny on the path, a coin in a jacket you have not worn for years. Some people call them pennies from heaven, and some look at the year on the coin and find it is one that mattered.
11. A touch
A warmth on the shoulder, a pressure on the bed as if someone has sat down, the feeling of a hand in yours. People often describe this one quietly, as if they expect not to be believed. They are believed here.
12. Something of theirs turning up
The ring you searched for everywhere, suddenly on the table. A note in their handwriting inside a book. A photo that slides out of a drawer on the one day you needed to see their face.
Is it a sign, or a coincidence?
I am often asked how to tell the difference, and my answer is always the same: by what it leaves behind. A sign from someone who loves you leaves you calmer, lighter, less alone. It tends to come when you were thinking of them or when you needed it most, and it tends to come when you were not looking for it. If something frightens you or leaves you anxious, it is not them. Love does not arrive as fear.
And if you are still not sure, you are allowed simply to choose to take it as a hello. There is no harm in saying thank you to a robin.
How to ask a loved one for a sign
- Choose one specific sign. Something clear and a little unusual: a yellow rose, a hummingbird, their nickname on a stranger's T-shirt.
- Ask aloud, the way you would talk to them. "Mum, if you are near, show me a yellow rose."
- Feel it as already given. Picture the moment you see it, and the warmth in your chest when you do.
- Then let it go. Do not hunt for it. Signs come to people who are living their lives, not to people standing guard.
- When it comes, say thank you, out loud. That is how the conversation stays open.
How to answer them
A sign is only half of a conversation. The other half is yours. Speak to them, aloud or in your head, as if they are listening, because I believe they are. Light a candle on their birthday. Cook their recipe. Set something of theirs where you will see it every day. What you hold in your heart, they feel, and every time you answer, the line between you grows a little clearer.
Late October and early November are the old days for this. Samhain, All Saints and All Souls were all, at heart, days for inviting the ones who came before to the table. If you want to honour someone this autumn, here is what the thin veil means, and a small ritual for your own table.
When the signs are quiet
Not everyone has a clear sign, and I want to say this gently: the absence of a sign is not the absence of love. Grief can be so loud that everything else is hard to hear, and many people find their signs come later, when the first raw months have softened. Some find theirs only looking back, realising what a certain day was. And some simply feel their loved one as a quiet steadiness, without any robins at all. That counts too.
What happens when I read for someone in spirit
Sometimes a feather is not enough. You want to hear what they would say. That is what the Loved One in Spirit Reading is for.
You tell me your name and date of birth, their first name and who they were to you, and what you would like to ask or to say. I sit with the two names side by side, in quiet, and I write down what I receive: their presence as it comes to me and the message that comes with it, and, in the fuller reading, the signs they use to reach you and the way they would like to be remembered. I do not summon and I do not perform. I listen, and I write down what I hear, for you alone and with the greatest care.
Your reading is in your inbox within the hour, seven days a week, during my active hours, in the language you choose. You can choose Whisper, €11.11, for their presence and the one message that comes with it, or Revelation, €22.22, for the message in full, the signs they use, what they ask of you now and how they would like to be remembered. Afterwards I check in with you, and my small guide After Your Reading comes with it, to keep.
What comes back to my table
These came after readings of the soul and spirit, word for word.
"Ivy sent the report quickly and with a quality that sat deeply with me. Her responses to further messages was prompt and filled with understanding and wisdom. Loved her work."
James, September 2026
"Danke für die wunderbare feinfühlige Lesung. Darin finde ich mich. Wunderbar. Ich werde wieder kommen. Alles Liebe und Gute. Tausend Segensgrüsse Claudia ❤️🙏🥰"
Claudia, September 2026. In English: "Thank you for the wonderful, sensitive reading. I find myself in it."
"Very insightful and accurate. Was amazed at what she said"
Wendy, July 2026
Questions people ask me about signs from loved ones
What are the most common signs from a loved one who has passed away?
Dreams that feel like a visit, a sense of their presence, feathers, robins or cardinals, butterflies and dragonflies, their song at the exact moment, a familiar scent, flickering lights, meaningful numbers, coins in odd places, a touch, and something of theirs turning up when you need it.
How soon after someone dies can signs come?
At any time. Some people notice a sign within days, even on the day of the funeral; for others the first one comes months or years later. There is no deadline and no right way.
Are dreams about a loved one who died real visits?
Many people believe the clear, calm dreams, in which the person looks well and the feeling stays for days, are visits. In a 2021 survey of 1,004 people, sleep was the most common way these experiences came. At my table I treat them as exactly what they feel like.
Can I ask a loved one in spirit for a sign?
Yes. Choose one specific sign, ask aloud as you would talk to them, feel it as already given, and then let it go. When it comes, say thank you.
Why haven't I had a sign?
The absence of a sign is not the absence of love. Grief can drown out everything else, and signs often come later, or are only recognised looking back. Some people feel their loved one as a quiet steadiness rather than a single sign.
What do you need from me for a Loved One in Spirit Reading?
Your full name and date of birth, their first name and who they were to you, and what you would like to ask or to say. One true detail, a phrase they always used, makes it warmer. This is spiritual guidance, offered for entertainment purposes, alongside grief support and never instead of it.
If there is someone you want to hear from, begin with the Loved One in Spirit Reading. If it is the signs themselves you want to understand, the feather, the number, the song, the Signs & Angel Numbers Reading tells you what they are saying. And if you want to remember them in a ritual of release, write their name beside yours when you order the Full Moon Release Ritual, held on the day of every full moon.
They have not stopped loving you. Keep answering.
Ivy
